The Mostly Harmless Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster (a Recipe)

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy says the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. That may be so, but the ingredients are a bit exotic these days, since the crash and all. I mean a reasonable substitute for Ol’ Janx Spirit is no problem: George Dickel. Naturally. But just try to find Fallian marsh gas to bubble through the iced Arcturan Mega-gin. Well, I don’t need to tell you.

So to save myself the angst of being unable to find a really good Galactic liquor store on account of my living in the uncharted backwater of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral Arm, I’ve recrafted the original recipe to work with ingredients actually found on planet Earth.

So here it is, with apologies to Zaphod.

The Mostly Harmless Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster (a Recipe)

1. Take the juice from one bottle of the Ol’ Janx Spirit (1 oz. George Dickel Burbon)
2. Pour in one measure of water from the seas of Santraginus V (1 oz frozen Stoly)
3. Melt 3 frozen cubes of Arturan Mega-gin to melt in the mixture (Put in some ice)
4. Add 4 liters of Fallian Marsh gas to bubble through it (4 oz Tonic Water)
5. Float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract (Squeeze a Lime Wedge)
6. Tooth of an Algolian Suntiger (Drop in a Maraschino cherry)
7. Sprinkle Zamphuor (Stir lightly)
8. Add an olive. (Forget that. I hate olives in drinks.)

By the way, this tastes amazingly amazing.